Snow and early siesta. First art school dream of 2016:
I am interested in taking as many classes as possible before the add/drop deadline. The class I am in has 4 or 5 women and 1 man. The teacher is female. It’s an acting class. The teacher asks us to introduce ourselves, each of us do so in turn. The teacher asks me to go first.
I know one of the women from my actual art school (the irl MCOA) She studied sculpture and made Orgone machines inspired by Wilhelm Reich. She has long dry Chinese egg noodle hair.
The other students are a blur except one woman at 11:00 and a man at 9:00. The egg noodled Orgone machine sculptor and I are at 7:00 and 6:00 respectively. (“Everything is at sixes and sevens.”)
The students begin to criticize my introduction. The teacher encourages the drama. The woman says on first impression of me, she thought me a snob. She says I gave off an air of being better than her. (This is a common complaint I think to myself and wonder if it is her insecurity or if I appear aloof, making her comments valid. I don’t know how to change. I am more inclined to take her critique seriously because it has been said many times before. However, I don’t know how to change. So what, if on first impression I seem intimidating. Maybe I am not as trusting as I used to be. I feel frustrated.)
The man begins his criticism. He is wary at first. He looks to the teacher. She nods. He asks about a few images of me from an instructional welding class. I say yes, I took welding night classes, what’s the big deal?
He believes some of the outtakes are inappropriate. He moves his hand through the air to outline a saddled horse. His gesture refers to a film clip of me playing with a single ostrich feather. It’s a lavender feather.
I ask the teacher if she is hoping to incite an emotional response from each of us. She says yes. I begin to talk in my sleep. The accusations from the man are a fantasy I say. (I don’t say anything about the woman’s critique about my “intimidating” introduction.) I tell the man he is lazy and unoriginal to sexualize the content from the welding video. I say he is boring and typical. The other women agree.
A phone rings and I wake.