I went to sleep with the intention to forget P.

Intention in dreaming is a metaphysical practice taught by many, its techniques are accessible from writings from Carlos Castaneda and his work with Don Juan. For another perspective, Florinda Donner is good too. Ideally, intentional dreaming brings lucid dreaming. I have been trained in these practices by my mother and her teacher, Dhyani Ywahoo.

The timing is off for forgetting as the moon is waxing. I can reframe the thought to waxing a growing distance from the me of 10 years ago. It’s necessary however. P. did nothing wrong. I live in another state. There are many logical reasons to let go. I thought I had successfully let go autumn 2015. Then P. was in my dream and I must turn to a more applied sort of “good fairy magic” Pardon the magical thinking; it’s a clever mnemonic to get my emotional experience to better support my current needs. Lost love makes one gloomy. I’m not used to it. Love is surfing. I like to catch waves. Maybe it is impossible to write about. But at least I can record some of its ailments and procedures.

I set all my rocks out to sunbathe. I drew herbs Yarrow and Bittersweet. I burnt copal insence and anointed myself with rose and amber.

My dream brought me to the past again. I saw myself split into two. My twin stepped out of my body as one imagines an astral projection to do. I watched my soul observing me. A different friend came onto me. Someone I never dreamt of before. I can’t write it anymore than that. In the dream the friend was single and had no kids… but it was a lie. This is what the friend told me in hopes to get me into bed. I woke unrested and grumpy about monogamists. Surely, there is enough love for everyone to share.